Currently The Red Badge of Courage By Stephen Crane see related

The Strangling Hand

Meleah Garrett

Mrs. Zandstra

American Literature

9 December 2008

The Strangling Hand

            “He conceived persons with torn bodies to be peculiarly happy. He wished that he, too, had a wound, a red badge of courage.” (Stephen Crane. The Red Badge of Courage. Page 58.). Badges of courage come in all shapes and sizes. I believe a badge of courage is different for every person. It is an event, or, time period where a person goes through a difficult experience where maturity is forced and growing up is mandatory. Where one learns imperative lessons but in the most difficult way possible under the most pressing circumstances. Where a person begins as weak and somewhat naïve, but in the end comes out stronger than before with more wisdom than ever anticipated. In my life, it was a friendship. First perfect, then left torn, broken and impaired by one person’s actions. The terms of the friendship at the beginning, the event that corrupted our bond, and how it changed my life all played a considerable role in the shaping of who I am today.

            The terms of the friendship when it began were utopian. He was my best friend in all senses and definitions of the title. There was a rare second in both of our lives where we weren’t together or having some sort of communication. He knew me from the inside out and I believed to know him in just the same way. Loyalty was never a question for us. Every life experience, every lesson learned, and every smile was shared or endured together. There was always laughter and happiness. On the occasion that sadness clouded our vision and stalked us with eerie doom, we were always there to pull the sun from our pockets for each other. Sacrifices were always small and worthwhile, if made for the sake of the other person. People began to see us as one person, a package deal, never one without the other. I knew in my heart that I loved him. I also, knew for fact that he loved me in the same way. We were always able to supply exactly what the other person needed. The friendship was ideal, a flawless, perfect thing to be shared between us.

            Then the event that corrupted and changed it in such an irreconcilable way. It was a form of betrayal and deception. One sin that has been practiced by many for years, in its consequential manner tearing apart trust, honesty, and the lives of people for impulsive selfish desires. It was adultery, without the sacred pact of marriage. Something that should be saved for the one you are going to spend forever with. It was an understood, unspoken promise that stood between us until torn down by his flat fall of loyalty. The girl was someone I had once called a friend which just created more sorrow.  Our friendship was done for the moment the words were spoken of his horrendous act. I couldn’t bear to look at his dishonest face. I had been stabbed when my back was turned and at the same time slapped across the face. The one thing I had been assured of that was right and would never fail had disappointed me more than anything or anyone ever could. Because of our exclusive bond, I had no others to turn to. I did not know the Lord. I was lost with nowhere to go. Every day felt as if an incomparably strong hand had a perpetual grip around my heart with fingernails as sharp as knives digging in as far as they could go. Squeezing, life and hope right out of an already open wound. Every day spent alone it would get tighter, threatening to finish me for good. Every drop of blood forced out by the unrelenting fingers brought about another round of grief. All dependence had been on the one who had caused such great pain. I had nothing. I knew things could never be restored to the state of which they were before. I knew our friendship had been changed and mutated into something completely different.

            The way this experience changed my life is extraordinary. After a few months of the strangling hand wrapped around my heart, I couldn’t take it. I had hit the bottom where I couldn’t take being sad. I didn’t have any more tears to cry. I didn’t have the strength to blame me, or him, or anyone else anymore. I was sick of being alone. I was tired of being a grown up and taking hit after hit. I couldn’t take one more thought that ended with a question mark. I did something that I had never done ever before. I prayed. I cried out to the Lord and he heard me. From that night on, my Heavenly Father began healing my heart and working in my life more than I ever knew possible. For the first time in my life I had something to truly depend on and put my faith in. Who would never disappoint and would always love and do what is best for me, no matter what. I had been stumbling around with an evil hand around my heart, even before the betrayal. Slowly, I began to experience something joyful, something I hadn’t known in so long: hope. As I gave more and more of my life to Him, the hand loosened its grip more and more. I craved knowledge about the Lord. I longed to be like him and begged his forgiveness for the selfish life I had lived. The wound eventually healed and I had found a best friend who would, without a doubt, supply exactly what I needed. It was the most valuable treasure anyone could ask for and it was given to me.  I learned the true meaning of friendship, I learned a lesson in loyalty, forgiveness, and most importantly, I discovered a life following Jesus. After I was healed and began to receive strength given by the Lord, I had to face the task of forgiving the person who had once been my everything and had hurt me to the farthest extent of pain that I have known. With God by my side, I forgave him. This event changed me in the most wonderful and truly beautiful way I could ever imagine.

            The way the friendship began, the destruction of the bond between us, and the way it changed me have all helped in shaping me into who I am today. The beginning was a perfect paradise of trust and dependence. Then the friendship was corrupted by the sin of betrayal. Finally, the change I had been unknowingly waiting for. I do not regret having that friendship or what happened to tear us apart. I see now how God used it for his purposes and how it important it was that it happened and I thank Him for it every day. It was like the pieces of an intricate puzzle were scattered and then found and put in all the right places to make an exquisite painting of a chance for redemption. I see now that our friendship before the deception was corrupted already, because of the exclusiveness and protectiveness of it. It was full of jealousy, hidden doubt, and secrets. I now see how imperative it was in the process of growing up in my life. I still have that period of time inside my heart as a symbol of how God uses evil to create pure. A daily reminder of how awesome and powerful He is. It is my personal red badge of courage.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Currently Reading Leven Thumps and the Wrath of Ezra (Leven Thumps) By Obert Skye see related

Meleah Garrett

Mrs. Zandstra

American Literature

23 September 2008

Worldview

            “There is nothing insignificant in the world. It all depends on the point of view.”- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

My interpretation of what Von Goethe was saying is that nothing God created is insignificant. The beauty and unique wonder it holds never changes, just one’s point of view changes. Unavoidably, your worldview is part of who you are and who people will see you to be. Everyone views the world according to what they believe. What they believe corresponds to what they accept to be truth. How I view the world came from my experience through life, works of literature, influential people, and what my parents taught me since infancy. But most importantly, my personal worldview came from my walk of faith which can be described with Christian Theism.

My worldview has a lot to do with my being a Christian. I believe God is the one true Savior and he sent his son Jesus to save this sinful and corrupted world we live in. I believe he died on the cross to pay the price for our sins and rose again on the third day. I believe in the Trinity: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. I see humans as flawed, imperfect, and posses the urge to control everything. I think you can find God in everything, including people, it just depends on how much of their light they let shine. God can be found exquisitely sprinkled throughout the nature He created. From the smallest mouse to the tallest tree, He is there.

Christian Theism and my personal walk of faith have affected my worldview greatly. I believe there is such a thing as sin and humans fall into its evils daily.  But God is a loving and forgiving God and if forgiveness is asked for, then it shall be received.  Something that has affected how I live my life is the fact that Christians are called to copy Jesus’ example and tell the world about God so that they may believe and be saved. This has changed my worldview because I see the world as an almost endless, thick forest with a bunch of twists and turns that make people wander, get lost, and fall into temptation. I think God holds the map to that forest and as Christians we are called to go into the forest and show the map to as many people as possible so that they may know the way as well and do the same for others that are lost. Jesus said, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.”- John 17:15-16. God calls Christians to be in the world but be different from it, and to do as much as possible to show the way to as many lost people as we can.

Currently Listening A Twist In My Story By Secondhand Serenade Fall For You see related

Death and Goodbyes

Death.

Death is unique. It is feared, hated, dreaded, tragic, scary, sad, it can be untimely, yet sometimes anticipated. It can also be violent, or peaceful. Yet despite all of these things, Death can be beautiful.

Everyone experiences death at one point in their life. And what's so scary about it is that we don't know what its like. No one has ever survived death to tell what it's like (lol).

But Death is part of life.Just like Goodbyes. People around us die, pass away, leave. And then their Gone. Just like that.

Death is beautiful because of God. Because as a Christian, I believe in eternal life after death. In order to spend forever with my Heavenly Father, I have to go through death. And suddenly, death isn't so scary anymore.

Goodbyes.

Death and Goodbyes come hand in hand. You have to say Goodbye when someone dies.Whether it's in person or in your heart Goodbye has to be said.

I've learned Goodbyes are so completely bittersweet. Well most are, anyway.The ones to loved ones are. Goodbyes used to devastate me. I would soak up every last moment with that person and then cry after they left.

That doesn't happen anymore.

Because I've learned that yes, Goodbyes are sad. But they aren't forever. It does not matter where that person is, whether gone from this world, or just a different location, as long as those people are in your heart. And you hold on to those awesome memories and remember how you worked through the bad memories and how you both came out stronger and closer because of them.

Just remember them.

and Goodbyes aren't forever. Goodbyes last as long as you let them. And they don't have to be devastating. I try to keep it in my mind (because its a comfort to my heart) that those people will come back when you need them. Whether its a memory or physically they.will.come.back.

If they come back physically(or not), thats totally up to God. But the ability of memory is up to you. And if they don't come back, that just means you learned what you were supposed to learn from that person and maybe, just maybe you taught them something as well.

Memories, People and Lessons are the kind of things that stay in hearts,well, at least, in My ♥Heart.

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and now one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger ans stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

I also have a poem that goes with this but this post is already really long so that will be Part 2:)

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Thoughts of Old, Dreams of New.

Your light Shines such a Bright, Bright Yellow.

While Mine Burns Blue.

Hi!

Well, in case you were wondering, I'm doing awesome:) and in case you weren't wondering, I just told you anyway.

School is going great. Teenpact is going to be awesome. If you haven't read the book Real Citizenship by Tim Echols then you must. It is amazing and every teen should read it at least once. In my opinion:)

I really can't wait to learn, fellowship with friends, and just have a great time at the capitol.yup yup.

The play is going pretty good. Yee Haw!

I am also really excited about this bible study. I think Jesse's got the right idea and if the rest of us(Venture-goers or not) all help out, it could turn into something awesome.yes yes.

I'm really worried about this job situation. I  need a summer job and I'm trying my best to think of a good place to work.Prayers would be appreciated (and suggestions)

So I decided to be a serious rebell on Tuesday night and just flat out refused to write one last 5-paragraph essay for the last day of writing class on Wedensday. Turns out I didn't even have to go because I had to go to the doctor for my finger

Yay!

-God bless you,  my friends♥